Lord help me to judge myself as you would judge me. Allow me to stand convicted of my sinful ways, shedding them as soiled clothing before thee. Cleanse me of these sins, replenish my soul with a new spirit and purpose.
Allow me to see the errors of my ways, correcting my compass. The journey has many obsticles and danger lurks at every turn. Satan knows no boundries, using anything of this world at his disposal to derail, detain, demoralize and to frustrate.
Allow us Lord to navigate around such chasims filled with problems. Accept us to come before you in your thrown room of love to come before you in intercession. Keep our hearts and minds strong and determined to pass by on such destractions, keeping our focus on you.
Allow us to pray and encourage others to come before you, to become cleansed of their sins, accept you as their savior, know their name is written in a kingdom yet to come, but eternal life is ensured. Allow us to be that beacon a PointMan...
Thank you Lord for the opportunity to rise from my rest to make this post for others who may read it and gain better understand because of it. In your loving son's name, we pray...
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Letting Go
I've reached another fork in the road, been following my heart, listening to what I feel is being lead in the right and correct path for the past 10 years, especially the past 4 years. But there is a difference between what we think is right and what is right from another person's point of view.
After putting others before myself for most of my life, I have to change the order of the have and have nots. Instead of setting the example for my family I have been punishing my family along with the sacrifices I thought were right and the good fight.
Not sure where this leads from here, so for the time being and unknown future, the PA PointMan website will be taken down until then I will redirect hits to the main PMIM website. By weeks end I will resign as Outpost Leader and as Director in the MGO ministry as well.
I will be writing letters over the next several days, trying my best to explain my change in direction, I feel this is the road I must take for the time being. I am sorry if this disappoints anyone. I will continue to pray for those in need of prayer, and continue witnessing to those I have a special bond with. God Bless you all.
Jim
After putting others before myself for most of my life, I have to change the order of the have and have nots. Instead of setting the example for my family I have been punishing my family along with the sacrifices I thought were right and the good fight.
Not sure where this leads from here, so for the time being and unknown future, the PA PointMan website will be taken down until then I will redirect hits to the main PMIM website. By weeks end I will resign as Outpost Leader and as Director in the MGO ministry as well.
I will be writing letters over the next several days, trying my best to explain my change in direction, I feel this is the road I must take for the time being. I am sorry if this disappoints anyone. I will continue to pray for those in need of prayer, and continue witnessing to those I have a special bond with. God Bless you all.
Jim
Friday, July 29, 2011
Where's Normal?
Searching for what is normal and what is not. Lost the moment to stay normal when I signed up, normal seemed to be an illusion on a sliding scale, felt like I was living and still am in the movie Catch 22. So what is normal anyway an why do we look for it?
I am scratching my head because I can't really remember normal other than when I was a kid and relied on the old man to feed and take care of me. So why do I feel as if I am missing something? Why does the world see things so differently than me?
There are sometimes more disfunctional days than functional ones some months. I almost dread hearing bad or sad news these days, it scratches the surface of so many scars, not to the point of bleeding, that might actually bring relief, but to the point of the pain threshold is what I am talking about.
I sometimes wake more exhausted from the battles I fought in my sleep than when I went to bed. Been needing to nap in the afternoon more as of late, swelling is back as well, so putting pressure on the bad valve isn't helping and scares the crap out of me that I am going to be told to prepare for surgery or worse yet be wheeled in after dropping over from a heart attack.
Why is it people who can never have kids or never had kids love to be around them, never loosing the desire to father one. But those that have them seem to resent others who have more than two. I grew up in a large family of 10, glad my dad an mom put up with all the snotting insults and butt heads to have us.
As screwed up as my mind gets, what is with some people? Where is the sense of anything, some are so self centered that they could never understand the pain and misery of those living in other country's so less fortunate, we will waste more in a lifetime than they will ever have in a lifetime.
I wonder how much longer till we slide totally into anarchy? And then how much longer till someone cooks off the big one and starts a chain reaction of life ending actions for life as everyone knows it? Better yet will God allow it?
Normal for me at least exists somewhere between the clouds and and stars. I watch them appear and disappear each day. Some day will be my last, but not today....
Normal left with the little boy, lost along the paths of the wilderness on my path to maturity. Not sure what replaced it, maybe a healthy dose of doubt and fear, some hope and joy thrown in for equal measure. I've come to the conclusion there is no more normal to be found, at least for me there isn't, each day is an adventure and challenge.
I am scratching my head because I can't really remember normal other than when I was a kid and relied on the old man to feed and take care of me. So why do I feel as if I am missing something? Why does the world see things so differently than me?
There are sometimes more disfunctional days than functional ones some months. I almost dread hearing bad or sad news these days, it scratches the surface of so many scars, not to the point of bleeding, that might actually bring relief, but to the point of the pain threshold is what I am talking about.
I sometimes wake more exhausted from the battles I fought in my sleep than when I went to bed. Been needing to nap in the afternoon more as of late, swelling is back as well, so putting pressure on the bad valve isn't helping and scares the crap out of me that I am going to be told to prepare for surgery or worse yet be wheeled in after dropping over from a heart attack.
Why is it people who can never have kids or never had kids love to be around them, never loosing the desire to father one. But those that have them seem to resent others who have more than two. I grew up in a large family of 10, glad my dad an mom put up with all the snotting insults and butt heads to have us.
As screwed up as my mind gets, what is with some people? Where is the sense of anything, some are so self centered that they could never understand the pain and misery of those living in other country's so less fortunate, we will waste more in a lifetime than they will ever have in a lifetime.
I wonder how much longer till we slide totally into anarchy? And then how much longer till someone cooks off the big one and starts a chain reaction of life ending actions for life as everyone knows it? Better yet will God allow it?
Normal for me at least exists somewhere between the clouds and and stars. I watch them appear and disappear each day. Some day will be my last, but not today....
Normal left with the little boy, lost along the paths of the wilderness on my path to maturity. Not sure what replaced it, maybe a healthy dose of doubt and fear, some hope and joy thrown in for equal measure. I've come to the conclusion there is no more normal to be found, at least for me there isn't, each day is an adventure and challenge.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Morning has broken
Morning has broken on another day, thank you Lord for granting it to me to see. Dreeding where decisions might lead me in the coming months, but resigned to some obvious realities. Shortcomings and inabilities have been affecting this outreach.
Either unable or unwilling to resolve conflicts within my own control, no where close to the strength and moral fiber I thought I had. Hate pretending something is okay when it is not. It does no one any good to pretend.
Time for reflection, some might not understand that, other might. Too much conflict and peril. Time to put focus back on what has been at risk for sometime, reflect on the damage caused, repair or rebuild where I can.
Blog will remain active, but main website will be shut down. As for FB, will let it remain idle, brakes on. Furture blogs may have more rants than normal, but will try and curb my tongue when submitting them.
Either unable or unwilling to resolve conflicts within my own control, no where close to the strength and moral fiber I thought I had. Hate pretending something is okay when it is not. It does no one any good to pretend.
Time for reflection, some might not understand that, other might. Too much conflict and peril. Time to put focus back on what has been at risk for sometime, reflect on the damage caused, repair or rebuild where I can.
Blog will remain active, but main website will be shut down. As for FB, will let it remain idle, brakes on. Furture blogs may have more rants than normal, but will try and curb my tongue when submitting them.
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