For some it may be fairly easy to let go. While for others it takes quite a bit more effort. I fall into the last of these two categories. For the past 5 months, I have experienced one of the most dreadful situations someone can encounter. The murder of a family member, in this case my sister.
It isn't just the shock of losing my eldest sister, it wasn't because we had built up a 25 yr old wall between us -- neither of us speaking to one another, for me it was because aside from all this, someone willingly took her life by choice. For me the hard part of letting go was the anger, I was unprepared.
Up until a few weeks ago I was consumed most days of how I would exact revenge on not just the man, but on any remaining members of his immediate family. I wanted him to know how this pain felt. For me the several month journey was in bad company, everyday.
All the while God was sending forth those who could help me, I was just as busy pushing them away, too blinded by the rage I felt inside. Too short sighted to see the blessing he had given the rest of us if we would just open our eyes. Open our hearts to his comfort, his love for us.
A very good friend, finally gave me the last piece of advice I needed to hear on the matter. Nothing I can do from this point on will bring her back to life or change the tragic ending to her life. Punishment on this earth is up to those in law enforcement and the courts, but know this now that a much higher court of accountability lays in store for each and everyone of us, the court of God.
Basically it goes something like this, if I do not distance myself from this and truely forgive and forget this man's trespasses against my sister and her children, then where does this leave me. I am guilty of the same, robbing God of his gift of forgiveness.
Forgiveness sets free the anger from within, which entraps my ability to forgive the smaller day to day things that we are all mostly guilty of; cutting someone off in traffic, or getting angry at someone who made us mad at work, or maybe it was our spouse who doesn't seem to understand us. Everything seems to get added in.
Rather than concentrating on what the problem is or where it is at, I find the better solution for me, is to concentrate on where the answer is. To turn our attention to the voice of our shepard, his words heal the hurt, calm the stormy sea that rages around us, encourages us, loves us, unconditionally, no matter how far or near we stray, a great celebration is at hand when we entrust ourselves to the hands of our shepard.
Society as we once knew it no longer exists with its civility towards one another, moral decay has eroded most of what we knew growing up or which commonly existed in the old neighborhoods, not even our church communities have escaped the decay.
It's never too late to turn our eyes toward our shepard, slow down and take his hand, feel the comfort and security, know the power of their love in all its abundence. Anger is an energy robber, steals all breath from all endeavors, work, home, or recreation. Turn your ears towards the horn of our savior, he is calling us.
No longer consumed by anger, no longer a slave to being mad at everything, being mindful that there will always be temptations, I do not have be a victem to them, I have a choice to take ahold of my shepards hand and go in peace or wage war with a dead man.
